Martial 2.14: Nil intemptatum Selius

by Tom Gardner

Nil intemptatum Selius, nil linquit inausum,
cenandum quotiens iam videt esse domi
currit ad Europed et te, Pauline, tuosque
laudat Achilleos, sed sine fine, pedes .
si nihil Europe fecit, tunc Saepta petuntur,
si quid Phillyrides praestet et Aesonides.
hic quoque deceptus Memphitica temple frequentat,
assidet et cathedris, maesta iuvenca, tuis.
inde petit centum pedentia tecta columnis,
illinc Pompeia dona nemusque duplex.
nec Fortunati spernit nec balnea Fausti,
nec Grylli tenebras Aeoliamque Lupi:
nam thermis iterumque iterumque iterumque lavatur.
Omnia cum fecit, sed renuente deo,
lotus ad Europes tepidae buxeta recurrit,
si quis ibi serum carpat amicus iter.
Per te perque tuam, vector lascive, puellam,
ad cenam Selium tu, rogo, taure, voca.

Selius leaves nothing unattempted, nothing unventured,
whenever he sees that he must now dine at home
he runs to Europa, and he praises you, Paulinus,
and your Achilles-feet, albeit without end.
And if Europa does nothing, he then sought the Saepta Julia,
whatever the son of Phillyrides and the son of Aesonides will fulfil.
Having been frustrated here as well, he hangs around the temple of the goddess of Memphis,
and sits near your chairs, mournful heifer.
Thence he seeks the roof supported by a hundred columns,
and from there, Pompey’s gift and the double grove.
He scorns neither the baths of Fortunatus nor Faustus,
nor the gloom of Gryllus nor the Lupus’s Aeolia.
As for the warm baths, they are bathed in again and again and again.
When he has done everything, but with the refusal of the god,
he runs back after his bathing to the boxwood-grove of warmed Europa,
in case a patron is making his way there late.
Wanton steed, by you and your girlfriend,
I beg you, O bull, invite Selius to dinner yourself.