Martial 2.89: Quod nimio gaudes noctem producere vino

by Tom Gardner

Quod nimio gaudes noctem producere vino 
ignosco: vitium, Gaure, Catonis habes. 
Carmina quod scribis Musis et Apolline nullo 
laudari debes: hoc Ciceronis habes. 
Quod vomis, Antoni: quod luxuriaris, Apici. 
Quod fellas, vitium dic mihi cuius habes?

I forgive the fact that you enjoy prolonging the night with too much wine, Gaurus;
you have Cato’s vice.
You write poems without the Apollo or the Muses—
You ought you be praised: you have Cicero’s wont.
That you vomit: Antony’s; that you are decadent: Apicius’s.
That you give blow-jobs, tell me: whose vice is that?